Hi everyone, this was supposed to be posted last year, but I did not make time to finish this. So here is the post, I hope this is still relevant and enjoyable to read!
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It's May already. ALREADY?
I don't think the sixth term is actually healthy for my mind, body, and soul. I've been sleep deprived and micro sleeping for the past three months. The campus has been a second home, and I barely could see my family. The third-year students are assigned to finish three mock trials in one go, and you to finish them all properly seemed beyond impossible. But we managed to finish two at this point, and next week we would perform our last mock trial on private law. You might find this surprising, but time turned out to fly so quickly!
Anyways, I found the sixth term to be an anomaly. With all the hectic schedule, I was rather surprised with my capability of finding time to give myself a breather before moving on to another assignment once an assignment is over. I managed to get time to watch several movies I had been dying to see ever since their trailers were released. In fact, I have been hanging out with friends (and very, very old friends) and visiting places way more frequently than before. All with a more composed feeling and more at ease. Perhaps it is thanks to my very first thought into the term; you know what, just relax and this term will pass before you know it. This thought was also a lesson I got from a Ted Talk I saw during last term's break. The speaker talked about how time would expand itself from us; we don't have to worry about time, because as long as we do want to do it, there will ALWAYS be time.
I had prepared a day each week to watch these movies, as they appeared to be screened almost at the same time. This also meant saving enough money to do so. Luckily enough, I had been saving quite the amount of money from my previous monthly allowances. So I went to the movies.
This movie is no exception in my must-watch list.
As someone who has been voicing against sexual and gender violence in a while (I would also like to thank my peers and seniors on campus for educating me and making me learn about gender-based violence), I was excited and anxious at the same time to see 27 Steps of May. I felt grateful that someone finally talked about it on the big screens, but I definitely felt unprepared to witness such pain and despair displayed by the actress. I decided to watch this by myself, as I did not feel like having any partner to share the experience with; you know, that classic problem as a cinema enthusiast when they should watch a movie with a friend that basically did not share that same cinematic etiquette.
Warning: The remaining of this post will contain SPOILERS.
The dialogs in the movies were rather minimum, they definitely stressed on the acting. I could feel the numbness of the lead actress, as she played the role of someone who had been raped and remained traumatized. She always stayed within her room, never dared to get out. In addition to her being mute, she also maintained the exact same activities daily until she discovered a hole in her wall. The wall turned out to separate two houses, so she could peek into the hole and watch her neighbor--who happened to be a magician--prepare his tricks for his performances.
They developed a weird relationship, where the magician tried to understand her and heal her from her trauma--though he had no idea what the trauma was--while she got excited about her new friend she started to distort her usual routine, making her father worried but grateful at the same time. She seemed to progress each day.
The progress suddenly spiraled down when the neighbor did something which triggered her trauma and she went on to break down for a couple of days. She did not only break herself but also her father. The climax of the movie occurred when she tried to relive her traumatizing event in front of the magician. Not long after, she finally came back to her senses and went out of her room, finally freed.
It was one of the most intense movies I have watched in 2019. I caught myself unable to breathe at some parts of the movie. The acting was very powerful and I could not comprehend how detailed the portrayal of May's struggle to get out of her haunting past was.
I believe that most of the audience was expecting a romantic experience between May and the magician, hoping that the magician can heal her. But I believe that the magician was merely a symbol of something. A struggle within May to escape her trauma. She used to be a cheerful person before she had been raped, but then she was confined deep inside her own self. The magician was an embodiment of her trying to embrace what had happened and to make herself believe that it was nobody's fault but the perpetrators. She understood later on that she could truly live again.
Not only her struggle, but the magician also symbolized the importance of delicate assistance and care for sexual violence survivors. Sexual violence such as rape created pain beyond comprehension. Senses and mind become so numb you will not realize you are alive--in fact, you live but not alive. The colors were ripped off your life, you will no longer remember about happy moments--you just simply stop recording and appreciating your life and the memories it has created. Survivors need assistance from those who are extremely patient because no matter what, healing takes a very long time.
I am very grateful that they decided to make a movie about sexual violence. It is rarely spoken of in society and people love to blame things on the victims, while the truth is they got raped merely by existing, breathing, and minding their own business. The trauma felt so real; such powerful acting by the actors.
Kudos to everyone involved in the making of this film. I felt very sad to know that it got removed from the theaters so quickly due to the lack of enthusiasm, but nevertheless, I felt grateful to ever watch it before it was entirely stripped of the movies.
Feel free to discuss about this movie in the comment section below!
- Abigail Gee
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Monday, January 13, 2020
Days at the Hospital
Friday, February 22, 2019.
I just woke up from an awful sleep - I did not sleep in a proper pose and it made my back and head hurt so much. Reaching for my handphone, I realized that I had not charged my phone last night. The worst part was I had not set the phone on speaker. It was already bright outside, and I cursed myself for not waking up earlier. The phone turned bright once again while things turned to horror for me.
Missed call from Mama: 14.
I mean, missing a call from your Mom is already scary, let alone 14?!
But then I tried to assert myself. I don't think that this is a regular series of phone calls Mom always did whenever I skipped the morning prayer.
I tried to dial her number back, and the call went through after a few rings, "Hi. Where are you? Why didn't you pick up the call?" Mom's voice sounded a bit worried and tired all mixed up. "Sorry, Mom, I had put my phone in silent and overslept. What happened?"
"Dad got admitted to the hospital this morning."
My eyes widened and I could not process anything. I asked Mom why, and she only told me he was now stable and better. Out of nowhere, I told her that I'd be there after class. But after putting much thought about it (as I have always been very indecisive), I decided to go to the hospital. Upon arriving at the hospital, I realized I didn't even know where my dad was. I tried contacting Mom, but she didn't reply to me. She had only told me that they were on the second floor. I approached the reception desk and mentioned my dad's name. Not long after that, I saw my mom emerging from the intensive care unit. I thanked the nurse and hurriedly ran toward my mom. She looked awful and lacking sleep. I asked her how Dad was and she just told me to go to his room myself.
He was awake, but kind of spacing out. He told me he had a massive headache and he felt utterly dizzy. He felt pain around his epigastrium and so they went to the hospital. His own prognosis to his case was acute gastritis, but the doctors assumed the possibility of a heart attack. But the result wasn't out yet and we could only hope for the best. A few hours later, late at night, Dad got transferred to another hospital.
As Mom continued lacking sleep, I went there in the morning to bring my Mom some food, fresh coffee, and clean clothes and proceeded to go to my TOEFL test center; the test had been arranged months before and I had to go. But, really, I had no idea how I managed to get through it all with all the things going on in my head.
During the next few days, our relatives came to visit my Dad and brought us food, comforting us, and prayed for Dad with us. I had to go back and forth to the hospital so I could attend classes and accompanied him afterward, excusing myself from hectic group assignments that I should be doing the whole term. My friends were understanding and some even gave me cheer-up snacks.
The days seemed so long and draining all the life out of me with all the back and forth 30km trip from the campus to the hospital, but I was grateful to be of help to Mom and Dad. That was the first time I saw my Dad looking genuinely withered and I couldn't help myself being teary-eyed all the time. Mom was the heroine, though. She never once complained despite being a zombie lacking rest and just continued to accompany Dad. We were joined by my brother later when he got his days off the dorm. He was so shocked to hear this, as we agreed not to tell him until his arrival.
My Dad was placed in the ICU and since he was a commissioned officer in the army, we got our own room to rest. Behind the rooms, there was a praying room. I went there when it was time to pray, and honestly, it was the hardest thing to do since I had to go through a long corridor. This was specifically hard for me since there were many families sleeping in that corridor; on the floor. Some had prepared blankets and pillows. Nights were the worst. To know that they did not have rooms like me to rest while having the same worries as I did felt heartbreaking. I saw them comforting each other having to sleep on benches while it was very cold and unpleasant.
If anyone asked me what was the place where people prayed sincerely the most, I would go with the hospital. After all, many men God during their desperate time, and to whom else would they seek comfort other than Him? Even I was like that; I prayed so much more than I had had in a very long time.
Eventually, my Dad got his treatment and recovered. It was not that long for him to finally get back behind the driving wheel. He is a stubborn person, after all. He got discarded by the hospital, but having a heart attack once means consuming medicine for the rest of his life. He is now in better shape and still dances to tease my mom.
I realized so many things during the event. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, to be healthy and to receive so many facilities in life. Health itself is very expensive and valuable. But most importantly, I found out how I had been so ignorant about my parents. I had forgotten that they also got older and would need me eventually. This turnout event at the beginning of 2019 had led me to a stronger bond with my family throughout the year, reshaping my priorities and perspectives about life--that achievements in life are not just to reach your own dream career or to have good grades, but to cherish those you love. Even now, I think that is the most rewarding thing in life.
I know it is 2020 already and I was way behind the time to tell the story. But really, 2019 had been so kind to me with all its blessings and lessons it had not crossed my mind to do so. I also realized that I only posted one blog throughout the year, but I think I will start writing more soon.
I hope everyone is healthy and showered with love. If you do feel that way, please remember that you should cherish and be grateful for all that.
-Abigail Gee
I just woke up from an awful sleep - I did not sleep in a proper pose and it made my back and head hurt so much. Reaching for my handphone, I realized that I had not charged my phone last night. The worst part was I had not set the phone on speaker. It was already bright outside, and I cursed myself for not waking up earlier. The phone turned bright once again while things turned to horror for me.
Missed call from Mama: 14.
I mean, missing a call from your Mom is already scary, let alone 14?!
But then I tried to assert myself. I don't think that this is a regular series of phone calls Mom always did whenever I skipped the morning prayer.
I tried to dial her number back, and the call went through after a few rings, "Hi. Where are you? Why didn't you pick up the call?" Mom's voice sounded a bit worried and tired all mixed up. "Sorry, Mom, I had put my phone in silent and overslept. What happened?"
"Dad got admitted to the hospital this morning."
My eyes widened and I could not process anything. I asked Mom why, and she only told me he was now stable and better. Out of nowhere, I told her that I'd be there after class. But after putting much thought about it (as I have always been very indecisive), I decided to go to the hospital. Upon arriving at the hospital, I realized I didn't even know where my dad was. I tried contacting Mom, but she didn't reply to me. She had only told me that they were on the second floor. I approached the reception desk and mentioned my dad's name. Not long after that, I saw my mom emerging from the intensive care unit. I thanked the nurse and hurriedly ran toward my mom. She looked awful and lacking sleep. I asked her how Dad was and she just told me to go to his room myself.
He was awake, but kind of spacing out. He told me he had a massive headache and he felt utterly dizzy. He felt pain around his epigastrium and so they went to the hospital. His own prognosis to his case was acute gastritis, but the doctors assumed the possibility of a heart attack. But the result wasn't out yet and we could only hope for the best. A few hours later, late at night, Dad got transferred to another hospital.
As Mom continued lacking sleep, I went there in the morning to bring my Mom some food, fresh coffee, and clean clothes and proceeded to go to my TOEFL test center; the test had been arranged months before and I had to go. But, really, I had no idea how I managed to get through it all with all the things going on in my head.
During the next few days, our relatives came to visit my Dad and brought us food, comforting us, and prayed for Dad with us. I had to go back and forth to the hospital so I could attend classes and accompanied him afterward, excusing myself from hectic group assignments that I should be doing the whole term. My friends were understanding and some even gave me cheer-up snacks.
The days seemed so long and draining all the life out of me with all the back and forth 30km trip from the campus to the hospital, but I was grateful to be of help to Mom and Dad. That was the first time I saw my Dad looking genuinely withered and I couldn't help myself being teary-eyed all the time. Mom was the heroine, though. She never once complained despite being a zombie lacking rest and just continued to accompany Dad. We were joined by my brother later when he got his days off the dorm. He was so shocked to hear this, as we agreed not to tell him until his arrival.
My Dad was placed in the ICU and since he was a commissioned officer in the army, we got our own room to rest. Behind the rooms, there was a praying room. I went there when it was time to pray, and honestly, it was the hardest thing to do since I had to go through a long corridor. This was specifically hard for me since there were many families sleeping in that corridor; on the floor. Some had prepared blankets and pillows. Nights were the worst. To know that they did not have rooms like me to rest while having the same worries as I did felt heartbreaking. I saw them comforting each other having to sleep on benches while it was very cold and unpleasant.
If anyone asked me what was the place where people prayed sincerely the most, I would go with the hospital. After all, many men God during their desperate time, and to whom else would they seek comfort other than Him? Even I was like that; I prayed so much more than I had had in a very long time.
Eventually, my Dad got his treatment and recovered. It was not that long for him to finally get back behind the driving wheel. He is a stubborn person, after all. He got discarded by the hospital, but having a heart attack once means consuming medicine for the rest of his life. He is now in better shape and still dances to tease my mom.
I realized so many things during the event. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, to be healthy and to receive so many facilities in life. Health itself is very expensive and valuable. But most importantly, I found out how I had been so ignorant about my parents. I had forgotten that they also got older and would need me eventually. This turnout event at the beginning of 2019 had led me to a stronger bond with my family throughout the year, reshaping my priorities and perspectives about life--that achievements in life are not just to reach your own dream career or to have good grades, but to cherish those you love. Even now, I think that is the most rewarding thing in life.
I know it is 2020 already and I was way behind the time to tell the story. But really, 2019 had been so kind to me with all its blessings and lessons it had not crossed my mind to do so. I also realized that I only posted one blog throughout the year, but I think I will start writing more soon.
I hope everyone is healthy and showered with love. If you do feel that way, please remember that you should cherish and be grateful for all that.
-Abigail Gee
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